Monthly Archives: February 2010

Richard Park at the Olympics

As many of our veteran readers know, New York Islanders’ winger Richard Park often checks in to share his experiences in the NHL.  Once again, our good friend Richard has volunteered his services as he spends his Olympic break in Vancouver.  Here’s some observations that Richard has made so far during the Games, exclusively at Distinct Kicking Motion.

DKM correspondent Richard Park is back for Vancouver 2010 coverage

Awwww herro again to arr of those fans outside of Vancouvel Orrimpic Games!  Such a good Games, so much more than evel before!  Canada has been the nice country and hosting the Games is of such impoltence to them.  First, I vely much enjoyed riving in the Orrimpic virrage!  It is so nice housing and everyone is awrays so kind.  So many fans and Canadians drinking so much arcohol I can not berieve my eyes!  I nevel have so much arcohol in my rife!  But now I go on to my anarysis of the Games.

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Belarus, Latvia and Norway Ask If They Can Drop Into Women’s Tournament

"This shot would have been a lot easier to save if it was a girl..."

After suffering crushing losses in their opening games of the 2010 Winter Olympic hockey tournament, Belarus, Latvia and Norway asked Olympic officials if they could be dropped into the women’s tournament. On Tuesday, the Nowegians played Canada to a first period stalement but ended up on the wrong end of a 8-0 blowout, while Latvia managed to score two goals on the mighty Russians but unfortunately allowed eight en route to an 8-2 loss. The first game of Wednesday’s action in Vancouver saw Belarus fire just 6 shots on goal and fell to the Finns by a score of 5-1. Continue reading

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Entire Canadian Population Plans For Mass Suicide

With the Olympic Winter games now just a day away from opening, the excitement for the only event that anyone really cares about is growing, especially in Canada. With the tournament being played on home soil, Canadians have pegged this as the most important International hockey event in history. As you would expect, the celebration would be enormous should Canada bring home the gold, but its the latest announcement from Prime Minister Stephen Harper that has everyone talking. Continue reading

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Bettman Hoping for Natural Disaster in Phoenix

Gary Bettman

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has proposed a new business plan solution for the cash-strapped Phoenix Coyotes: a severe natural disaster causing graphic images of death and chaos in order to prompt a steady flow of donations from the outside world.  “It’s genius,” Bettman stated at a news conference yesterday.  “Have you seen how much money Haiti’s received, just out of pity?  It’s not like that money is going towards replacing nice homes or furniture or anything like that… No, they had straw huts and bamboo chairs.  Imagine the money that would be donated to restore an NHL arena, apartments, hotels, and real homes made of brick and concrete.” Bettman later added that “the cash influx would be off the fucking charts.”

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Calgary Flames to Start Trading Players Wives

Darryl Sutter or Brad Pitt?

After making two major deals in the last two days, Calgary Flames GM Darryl Sutter vows to now start trading wives of certain players. “Well, we didn’t look very good in the first game with the new players so maybe these guys need something that will really wake them up. Maybe once they see their wife shipped off to a far away locale they will start putting forth a much stronger effort.” Continue reading

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