Canucks Fans Unable To Recall Single Aspect Of Season, Just Riots

After watching their team fall heartbreakingly short in the Stanley Cup Finals and then watching their city fall victim to unruly rioters, fans of the Vancouver Canucks say they are unable to recall even one aspect from the past hockey season; instead only remembering the horrific aftermath that followed the game 7 defeat. “We had a good season, right?” asked 40-year-old Walter Minley, a life-long Canucks fan and season ticket holder who attended every single Canucks home game this year. “I’m positive there were some incredible highlights and memorable moments but I just can’t seem to remember any. There had to be lots of players wearing Canucks jerseys scoring big goals and making big saves but none that stand out. The only people wearing Canucks jerseys whom I can remember now are those people who were smashing and lightning cars and fire, and breaking windows and stealing from stores.”

10-year-old Matty Trent has loved the Canucks ever since his father John took him to a Vancouver game when he was 5, but the young fan can no longer even remember who his favourite player was due to the trauma he endured from witnessing the riots which included seeing his father attacked by an angry mob. “I don’t know any players,” he was able to say in between flowing tears. “I only remember bad men in Canucks jerseys punching and kicking my dad and then the blood dripping from his face. They beat him up because he told them to stop hurting things but now he hurted real bad.”

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