Off-Season Plans for NHL Players

Well, now that the fires in Vancouver have been extinguished, it’s time for the NHL’s annual off-season to kick off.  This means you’ll be able to find many North American hockey players on the golf course relaxing with a few beverages, European players returning to their home country to be with family and to train, and all sorts of activities in between.  I mean lots of activities.  Luckily, we here at DKM were fortunate enough to get the scoop on what some players were looking forward to most in this coming off-season.  Follow the jump to see what these guys are getting up to.

James Reimer (G – Toronto Maple Leafs) – “Well, I just settled my contract with the Leafs, so it’s been a busy start to the summer so far.  With this financial security now, I’m looking at buying a place for myself in downtown Toronto, and maybe a new truck for my dad.  I’m going to put in some work on the ice because I’ll have to get better going into this year, now that guys have seen me play and can prepare for me.  I’ll be ready for training camp, for sure.  I also want to try to come up with a nickname cooler than ‘Optimus Reim’, but I don’t think that’s humanly possible.  We’ll see.”

Semin can't wait to re-unite the "Five Bastards"

Alexander Semin (LW – Washington Capitals) – “I think only the parties and what I can make of them.  I go back to the Russia land, and home, and the parties are attended.  I have me and all the good friends from youth-hood there – Maxim, Aleksei, Boris, and Yuri.  We are called to the neighbours in town as “Five Bastards”.  The neighbours always do the laugh and play at us with that name.  So much party time and drinking can happen, and will happen, all summer long.”

Mark Recchi (newly retired from the Boston Bruins) – “There’s truly no better way to go out than as a champion.  I have my health, money saved, and many great memories accumulated from over the years in this league.  It’s been a privilege to have been able to go out there and play in front of so many fans for so many years, just doing what I love to do best.  I’m going to enjoy relaxing at home with my wife and three kids, who have sacrificed so much to allow me to pursue my dream over all of these years.  I’d like to thank them, the fans, management, and my teammates from over the years for contributing so much in my life.”

Richard Park (RW – Geneve-Servette HC – Swiss League)

“Awww I probabry should be training for next season of hockey!  But I cannot do that just yet!  I am such big fan of computel games, with best game being Starcraft 2!!  I watch many many tournaments arr year rong, but now I can rawtch many many more on-rine on youtube!  My favoulite prayer is EGIdrA.  He is numbel one Zerg prayer in the whore wide game!  I rawtched him pray in a tournament in Corumbus not too rong ago, and he pray so good!  He make many fans smire.  The fans smired so hawd, they faces hurt just rike hippos!  But then the plessure got to IdrA and he rost in the semi-finars against top Kolean prayer, oGsMC.  MC is a vely good prayer too!  Oh I just rove Starcraft so much, I go to rawtch many matches light now!

R.J. Umberger (C – Columbus Blue Jackets) – “Bro I’m just fuckin’ jacked and ready for a fuckin’ sweet summer.  I’m gonna prolly be goin’ home to fuckin’ Pittsburgh and see my fuckin’ boys for a little while.  You know, hit up the links, go dt, get fucked up, picks up some scrubs and show em a good time.  So fuckin’ stoked for how sweet it’s gonna be.  Just so fuckin’ sweet.”

Patrick Kane (RW – Chicago Blackhawks) – “I got this sick plan for the summer I wanna share with you guys.  And no, before we even get into it, I ain’t going to take any ‘cab rides’ or get into any problems with cabbies or anything this summer.  I’ve been there, done that.  No, this year I’m doing to get a group of my friends – guys, girls, everyone – and we’re going to head to a party somewhere on one of those giant party-bus type things, you know?  And you know what’s gonna happen then?  I’m gonna go up to that party bus driver and knock the fuckin’ piss out of him.  I ain’t after cabbies this year because I’m ABOVE that shit now.  Kaner ain’t here fuckin’ around anymore, Kaner’s ready for the big leagues.  And the big leagues, where I come from, is knocking bus drivers onto their fucking faces.”

Kane regrets not beating up this bus driver after Chicago's Stanley Cup win. "I wasn't ready for it at the time," Kane said. "I am now."

Sidney Crosby (C – Pittsburgh Penguins) – “Well, I’m hoping to get cleared from my concussion so I can hopefully play hockey again.  It’s really tough babysitting Mario’s kids and not being able to play mini-sticks with them, because that’s my favourite thing to do, honest to God.  But Mario and Natalie are very strict.  They’re not letting me play mini-sticks, and they won’t extend my curfew past 9pm this summer, because the rest is supposedly good.  I don’t know, I’d like to at least be able to stay up until 10.”


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