Tyler Seguin Credits “Dickhead” Coach For Finally Putting Him In

In his first two career playoff games, Bruins rookie forward Tyler Seguin has scored three goals and added three assists, helping the Bruins split the first two two games of the Eastern Conference Finals. The 19-year-old was a healthy scratch for the Bruins first two playoff series and credits his dickhead coach Claude Julien for finally putting him in the lineup. “Shit I guess I just wasn’t good enough before. I must have just gotten this good over night,” Seguin sarcastically quipped. “I mean I was only the second-overall draft pick and all, but I guess guys like Shawn Thornton and Daniel Paille are better than me. Good call.”  Continue reading

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Patrick Marleau: “I’m Playing Good”

Still yet to record a single point through six games of action in the Western Conference Semi-Final series between the San Jose Sharks and the Detroit Red Wings, Sharks forward Patrick Marleau says that despite the heavy criticism he has been receiving; he believes that he has performed well in the series. “To tell you the truth I don’t really get what all the fuss is about. I’ve been very pleased with the way I have played in this series. Actually, I think I’m playing great,” said Marleau who scored five points in San Jose’s opening round victory over Los Angeles but hasn’t found the scoresheet in six games against Detroit. “I thought I was ok in the LA series but I’ve really started to find my legs as this series has gone on. The playoffs are a marathon not a sprint and I feel like I started slowly but now I’m really kicking it into high gear.” 

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Washington Capitals Say It Is Simply Impossible To Reach Third Round

Despite having won four consecutive division titles including a Presidents Trophy last year, the Washington Capitals have failed to adavance past the second-round of the Stanley Cup playoffs in that span and now face a 3-0 series deficit against the upstart Tampa Bay Lightning. The constant under-achieving of not being able to win in the playoffs has led Capitals players to the realization that it is simply impossible to advance to the Conference Finals. “Well, what else is there to say, we continue to prove that it is literally impossible for us to advance to round 3,” said captain Alex Ovechkin. “We might win our opening round series here and there but then we realize that we basically have no chance of beating the next team no matter who it is. We would probably lose to a girls team if that’s who our opponents were in the second round. I don’t know how these other teams do it but it seems pretty damn impossible to win two seven-game series in one year.”  Continue reading

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Roberto Luongo and Pekka Rinne Taking Goaltending Duel A Little Too Seriously

In the goaltending battle between two Vezina Trophy candidates, Roberto Luongo and Pekka Rinne seem to be taking their match-up a little too seriously. With only a combined four goals scored through the first two games of the Western Conference semi-final series between the Vancouver Canucks and the Nashville Predators, the team’s respective star goalies have been seen and heard challenging the other to on-ice duels. “During  a tv break early in game 1, I was skating to the bench and I see Luongo making these weird gestures toward me,” said Rinne. “As we came closer together I could hear him throwing down the gauntlet and said ‘I challenge you to a duel’ flashing his blocker to me as if it were a gun. I responded by swiping my trapper through the air. At that point it was on, totally on.” Continue reading

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Richard Park’s Conference Semi-Final Predictions

 

Back by popular demand long-time DKM contributor Richard Park has once again taken his time to weigh in on the Stanley Cup Playoffs with his second-round playoff predictions. Although Richard spent the past season playing in Switzerland, the end of his season meant that he could return home and enjoy some NHL playoff action and after a hotly contested round 1, here is who he likes to move on to the conference finals:

(1) Vancouver vs. (5) Nashville

Orrr roww it is so gleat to be back pledicting these exciting NHL prayoffs! I pray in Switzerand this year but I stirr vely much rove NHL hockey. Vancouvel finarry defeated their rong time rivars Chicago Brackhawks and now rook to be vely vely hungly. They are arways smiring and praying loose styre of hockey and now that Ruongo shake off his Brackhawk brues they most definitery have an advantage. Big giant Rinne is rike dinosaurrr in net for the Pledators but he cannot stop the jorry twins Danier and Henlik.  Vanouver in 5

(2) San Jose vs. (3) Detroit

This is rematch of rast years series when the Shawwks beat the Led Wings in 5 games. This going to be a vely vely crose series and is vely hawwwd to call. Home ice advantage will be big key for Shawwwks but they must be carefur for Paver Datsyuk. He is one of the vely best prayers in the league and is arways rooking for rots and rots of goars. Dougrass Murray must try his vely hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwdest to stop him. He rooks rike a giant neanderthar man from such a rong time ago. Sharks in 7 Continue reading

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What Are the Detroit Red Wings Doing With Their Time Off?

As the only team to sweep their first round playoff opponent the Detroit Red Wings have been off since the 20th of April and won’t play again until the second-round gets under way next weekend. With all that time off DKM wondered just what exactly the players have been doing during their lengthy lay-off:

Niklas Lidstrom: “Got nominated for another Norris Trophy, the usual. I can’t even count how many times I’ve won that trophy. Hockey is too easy for me. I’m bored”

Jimmy Howard: “Picked the mind of Chris Osgood to find out what it is like to be a sub-par goalie on a dominant team”

Henrik Zetterberg: “The boys did pretty good without me but I’m really hoping to get back in the lineup. The extra time I’ve had with my wife hasn’t exactly gone as planned….Maybe we rushed into things, you know? Continue reading

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Dave Bolland Attributes Big Night To Post-Concussion “Powers”

After being out of the lineup for the past five weeks, Blackhawks forward Dave Bolland returned in a big way as he scored a goal and added three helpers in his first game since suffering a concussion. Bolland had continued to experience post-concussion symptons keeping him out of the the first three games of Chicago’s opening-round series with Vancouver but was cleared to play last night, powering the Hawks to a 7-2 win to keep them alive for atleast one more game. Following the game, Bolland was asked how he thought he was able to do what he did in his first game since what was a very significant injury and the Mimico, Ontario native replied by saying that he felt he had what he described as “post-concussion powers.” Continue reading

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