Tag Archives: Korea

Richard Park Guarantees Korean Gold in 2018

This was Richard Park's actual reaction to the announcement of Pyeongchang getting the 2018 Olympics

NHL mega-star and long-time DKM supporter Richard Park has issued fair warning for the 2018 Olympic Winter Games: “Kolea is going to take the gord medar!!”

That bold statement came on the heels of the announcement that the city of Pyeongchang, South Korea, will be hosting the Winter Olympic games in 2018.  While Korea is often highly competitive on other forms of ice, such as speed skating and figure skating, hockey hasn’t been much of a forte.  That’s all going to change in the next six years, says Park, who sat down exclusively with DKM to talk about his excitement over the announcement.

“Re rill be leady to pray big time hockey games!” Park declared.  “This is time for South Kolea to take up our sticks and pucks, and jam them on the Canadians!!”

Although South Korea does not currently have more than four ice hockey players in the entire country, Park is optimistic that his high-level NHL experience will rub off on the rookies during training.  “I have prayed with the best prayers in the whore wide wowld!!” Park shouted.  “Once I get prayers to sign up, I teach to skate and shoot, and then we get to the power pray!!  We are so tiny and fast prayers, we buzz arr over the ice and other team must take penarties.  Then, we rill capitarize on the advantage and get many goars this way!  Many, many goars!”

Park, who has 95 goals scored in 684 NHL games, believes that the Koreans should actually be viewed as favourites, over typical heavyweights like Canada, the U.S., Russia, and Sweden.  “Those countries no ronger good at hockey!  Now, it is South Kolea’s time to be the best!”

It’s certainly an exciting time for the residents of South Korea, and particularly for the thirty-six fans of ice hockey in the country, all of whom are Richard Park’s extended family.  It is unknown at this time whether or not Park’s 6 separate International ice hockey appearances for the United States will effectively bar him from competing for South Korea in 2018.  “If they even try to stop me, I wirr no ronger be smiring arr the time!!  I wirr instead take a bite out of their asses!!”

Richard Park's family braved the cold to celebrate ice hockey's arrival in South Korea in 2018.

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Brian Burke is a Racist

As the Toronto Maple Leafs continue to dig a deep hole to open their season, DKM has stumbled across some disturbing news involving Leafs General Manager Brian Burke.  I’ve done a little homework on the facts, and it looks like Burkie harbours a genuine aversion towards natives of South Korea.  Case in point: he refuses to trade for coveted forward Richard Park, currently playing for the New York Islanders.

Richard Park smiling; Brian Burke would not approve

Richard Park smiling; Brian Burke would not approve

Sure, you might say that you can’t just go out trading for any given player on any given day, which has some merit.  However, let’s consider that Park has played in the NHL since the 1994/95 season.  Brian Burke has been a GM off-and-on since the 1992/93 season (with Hartford).  Over all of these years, Burkie couldn’t find a place for Park on his roster even ONCE??  Seems a little fishy to me.  Adding to this whole feeling of ill-placed malice, we see that Park joined the Vancouver Canucks one season AFTER Burke was let go by the team.  This is solid evidence that Canucks’ management thought highly of Park, but one man’s bigotry stood in the way of finding Richard a good home.  With Vancouver’s significant Asian population, it’s surprising that Burke took that job in the first place.  Let’s take a look at the other Korean-born player in NHL history: Jim Paek.  In five NHL seasons, he never found his way onto a Brian Burke squad.  Coincidence?  Before you read this article, maybe.  Now, you know it’s not mere coincidence.  When Burke’s Ducks captured the Stanley Cup in 2006/07, the Burke-inspired team motto was, according to insider reports, “Win it so the Koreans can’t.”  It’s ironic that the one player whose name and face is probably best associated with the Ducks franchise, Paul Kariya, was not on that Cup-winning squad.  Why?  Just say Kariya’s last name out loud, and you’ll have your answer.

Brian Burke (left), pictured with all of his Korean friends

Brian Burke (left), pictured with all of his Korean friends

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