Tag Archives: Montreal Canadiens

Boston vs Montreal: Keys to the Matchup

Boston:

  • Utilize their size advantage by bullying the Montreal players and making up mean rumours about them
  • Try to get out to a 3-0 series lead; the safest lead in hockey
  • Tim Thomas moved way too fast last time. He should wait to see if Carey will ask him to the dance this time
  • Time for Zdeno Chara to bring out his secret weapon: smashing people into random pieces of glass that stick out unexpectedly

Montreal:

  • Montreal’s small forwards should mix things up by hiding on the ice and crawling between the Bruins legs
  • Keep the Montreal fans into the game but not getting beat up so much
  • Tomas Plekanec take off that fucking turtleneck
  • If racing toward the puck with Zdeno Chara just slowly back up and kindly say “here you you go big fella, you can have it”
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Boston Bruins Laugh At Thought Of Retaliation By Montreal

Following the morning skate in preparation of tonight’s highly anticipated game against the Montreal Canadiens, Bruins players laughed hysterically when asked repeatedly if they expected retaliation from the Habs following Zdeno Chara’s hit on Max Pacioretty in the last meeting between the two teams. Pacioretty suffered a severe concussion and a broken vertebrae when he was checked by Chara into the glass stanchion that seperates the benches, leaving many to wonder if the Habs will seek revenge in the return match tonight in Boston; something Bruins players simply could not hold back their laughter at the thought of. “Are you serious? No, like really, you must be joking, right?” an utterly confused Milan Lucic replied when asked how he thought the Habs might retaliate. “What are they gonna do, and more importantly, who is gonna do it? Gionta? Gomez? Plekanec? If I see one of those trolls even come near me I will pick them up and throw each of them right out of the arena. And thats if I’m in a good mood.” Continue reading

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Carey Price Might Miss Season Opener

Carey Price telling media about his "flu-like" symptoms

According to a report from the real journalists at tsn.ca, Montreal Canadiens’ goaltender Carey Price may miss the season opener against rival Toronto Maple Leafs with an illness.  The report cites flu-like symptoms, which defenceman Andrei Markov is also feeling the effects of.  However, we here at DKM are in pretty tight with Carey, and we got the real scoop on what’s happening in Hab-land.  Follow the jump for the REAL inside story about Carey Price’s illness.

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Canadiens Eliminate Penguins; Carey Price Pissed Off

The Montreal Canadiens celebrate their Game 7 victory over the Pittsburgh Penguins

The Montreal Canadiens continued their playoff run with yet another upset victory, this time knocking off the defending champion Pittsburgh Penguins in seven games.  This has been the cause of much excitement and celebration, both for the players on the team and the fans in Montreal.  However, DKM has learned that the magical playoff run has upset at least one player, backup goaltender Carey Price.

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Pittsburgh Penguins Think It Might Be Time To Start Trying

The defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins find themselves in an unexpected elimination game tonight when they host the Montreal Canadiens in game 7 of their Eastern Conference semi-final series. The Pens, who were heavy favourites coming into the series, failed to close out the upstart Habs in game 6 and now face an anything-can-happen, winner-take-all game against the Habs. Following their defeat in game 6 at the Bell Centre, Pittsburgh players admitted that now that the series is going seven games they might just have to start taking the opposition seriously. Continue reading

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Richard Park’s Playoff Predictions- Eastern Conference Semi-Finals

 

4. Pittsburgh vs. 8. Montreal

How did Montrear do it? They knocked off the mighty Capitars!, so vely unberievable! Now they must pray the defending Stanrey Cup Champion Pittsburrrgh Pengrins. I don’t think Montrear can win this time but they will defintery try their vely hawwwwwdest.  In the end, Sid Closby and Evgeni Markin will score too many goars  on Harak and the dream season will be arr ovel.  Pens in 6

6. Boston vs. 7. Philadelphia

Boston Bluins against Phiraderphia Fryers, such a vely ord time matchup!! Two rong time rivars who don’t rike each othel vely much and don’t care arot for smiring. Bruins and Fryers both pulled the mighty upsets in round one and now they meet each othel when they arr praying their best hockey of the season, and smiring the hawwwwwwwwdest. I pick the Bluins to win because they have the giant Charrrrra. He is like giant Mothra man from movie I watch rast night. He breath heavy fire out his nose, but he is still such a vely vely nice gentre man, arways skating and smiring.   Bruins in 5

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Current Montreal Team Shitting on 100 Years of Excellence

Even Viggo Mortensen can't be happy with this team

On the heels of the storied franchise’s 100th anniversary celebration, the current edition of the Montreal Canadiens is simply taking a big, steamy shit on 100 years of success. Continue reading

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