Tag Archives: NHL Playoffs

Vancouver Canucks Say They Definitely Want To Play The Tampa Bay Lightning In Stanley Cup Finals

Luongo's reaction when asked which team he would rather face in Cup Finals

When asked who they would prefer to play in the next round, the team being confronted with the question usually takes the easy route and says that it doesn’t matter who they play because both teams are equally good. The Vancouver Canucks chose to answer the question differently saying that they absolutely hope to play the Tampa Bay Lightning in the Stanley Cup Finals which begins next Wednesday. Tampa faces the Boston Bruins tonight in game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals and Canucks players will be watching and cheering for the upstart Lightning to come away with a victory. “Oh yeah we definitely are hoping that the Lightning can win tonight. We would much rather see them in the finals because they just don’t pose as many problems as the Bruins do,” said captain Henrik Sedin. “Boston has some big, tough forwards who love to play a physical, grinding game and then of course they have Chara on the back-end and he is just a nightmare to play against. And then there is a pretty big difference in net too.”  Continue reading

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Sight Of Spectacular Breasts Sends Ben Eager Into Maniacal Frenzy

While serving a penalty in game 2 of the Western Conference Finals between the San Jose Sharks and the Vancouver Canucks, Sharks forward Ben Eager was flashed by a female Canucks fans who exposed her breasts to the San Jose tough guy. The sight of the utterly spectacular jugs sent Eager into what can only be described as a maniacal frenzy as he went on to get several more costly penalties and play with a reckless style that bordered insanity. “How do you expect me to react to that? I saw a great pair of tits and pretty much just lost all focus. I went fucking nuts, there’s really nothing else I can say,” said Eager admitting he was more or less helpless against the amazing rack.  “I’d like to see you try and play a hockey game after seeing a set of knockers like that. Any warm-blooded hockey player knows that the one thing that sets us off the most is an unreal pair of funbags and as you can see these were just great fuckin’ cans.”

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Tyler Seguin Credits “Dickhead” Coach For Finally Putting Him In

In his first two career playoff games, Bruins rookie forward Tyler Seguin has scored three goals and added three assists, helping the Bruins split the first two two games of the Eastern Conference Finals. The 19-year-old was a healthy scratch for the Bruins first two playoff series and credits his dickhead coach Claude Julien for finally putting him in the lineup. “Shit I guess I just wasn’t good enough before. I must have just gotten this good over night,” Seguin sarcastically quipped. “I mean I was only the second-overall draft pick and all, but I guess guys like Shawn Thornton and Daniel Paille are better than me. Good call.”  Continue reading

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Patrick Marleau: “I’m Playing Good”

Still yet to record a single point through six games of action in the Western Conference Semi-Final series between the San Jose Sharks and the Detroit Red Wings, Sharks forward Patrick Marleau says that despite the heavy criticism he has been receiving; he believes that he has performed well in the series. “To tell you the truth I don’t really get what all the fuss is about. I’ve been very pleased with the way I have played in this series. Actually, I think I’m playing great,” said Marleau who scored five points in San Jose’s opening round victory over Los Angeles but hasn’t found the scoresheet in six games against Detroit. “I thought I was ok in the LA series but I’ve really started to find my legs as this series has gone on. The playoffs are a marathon not a sprint and I feel like I started slowly but now I’m really kicking it into high gear.” 

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Washington Capitals Say It Is Simply Impossible To Reach Third Round

Despite having won four consecutive division titles including a Presidents Trophy last year, the Washington Capitals have failed to adavance past the second-round of the Stanley Cup playoffs in that span and now face a 3-0 series deficit against the upstart Tampa Bay Lightning. The constant under-achieving of not being able to win in the playoffs has led Capitals players to the realization that it is simply impossible to advance to the Conference Finals. “Well, what else is there to say, we continue to prove that it is literally impossible for us to advance to round 3,” said captain Alex Ovechkin. “We might win our opening round series here and there but then we realize that we basically have no chance of beating the next team no matter who it is. We would probably lose to a girls team if that’s who our opponents were in the second round. I don’t know how these other teams do it but it seems pretty damn impossible to win two seven-game series in one year.”  Continue reading

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Roberto Luongo and Pekka Rinne Taking Goaltending Duel A Little Too Seriously

In the goaltending battle between two Vezina Trophy candidates, Roberto Luongo and Pekka Rinne seem to be taking their match-up a little too seriously. With only a combined four goals scored through the first two games of the Western Conference semi-final series between the Vancouver Canucks and the Nashville Predators, the team’s respective star goalies have been seen and heard challenging the other to on-ice duels. “During  a tv break early in game 1, I was skating to the bench and I see Luongo making these weird gestures toward me,” said Rinne. “As we came closer together I could hear him throwing down the gauntlet and said ‘I challenge you to a duel’ flashing his blocker to me as if it were a gun. I responded by swiping my trapper through the air. At that point it was on, totally on.” Continue reading

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Richard Park’s Conference Semi-Final Predictions

 

Back by popular demand long-time DKM contributor Richard Park has once again taken his time to weigh in on the Stanley Cup Playoffs with his second-round playoff predictions. Although Richard spent the past season playing in Switzerland, the end of his season meant that he could return home and enjoy some NHL playoff action and after a hotly contested round 1, here is who he likes to move on to the conference finals:

(1) Vancouver vs. (5) Nashville

Orrr roww it is so gleat to be back pledicting these exciting NHL prayoffs! I pray in Switzerand this year but I stirr vely much rove NHL hockey. Vancouvel finarry defeated their rong time rivars Chicago Brackhawks and now rook to be vely vely hungly. They are arways smiring and praying loose styre of hockey and now that Ruongo shake off his Brackhawk brues they most definitery have an advantage. Big giant Rinne is rike dinosaurrr in net for the Pledators but he cannot stop the jorry twins Danier and Henlik.  Vanouver in 5

(2) San Jose vs. (3) Detroit

This is rematch of rast years series when the Shawwks beat the Led Wings in 5 games. This going to be a vely vely crose series and is vely hawwwd to call. Home ice advantage will be big key for Shawwwks but they must be carefur for Paver Datsyuk. He is one of the vely best prayers in the league and is arways rooking for rots and rots of goars. Dougrass Murray must try his vely hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwdest to stop him. He rooks rike a giant neanderthar man from such a rong time ago. Sharks in 7 Continue reading

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