Bettman Hoping for Natural Disaster in Phoenix

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has proposed a new business plan solution for the cash-strapped Phoenix Coyotes: a severe natural disaster causing graphic images of death and chaos in order to prompt a steady flow of donations from the outside world.  “It’s genius,” Bettman stated at a news conference yesterday.  “Have you seen how much money Haiti’s received, just out of pity?  It’s not like that money is going towards replacing nice homes or furniture or anything like that… No, they had straw huts and bamboo chairs.  Imagine the money that would be donated to restore an NHL arena, apartments, hotels, and real homes made of brick and concrete.” Bettman later added that “the cash influx would be off the fucking charts.”